It’s summer, and you’re busy. And you tell yourself “I’ll take a break when this is finished” or “Next week will be calmer!” 

But deep down you know that’s not true. Because our lives have become this rich tapestry of “doing” and “experiencing” and whilst it can be super fun, it can also be super stressful and exhausting.

Which is why we tell ourselves we’ll “take a break when…”. Except that “when” never happens. And you’re probably thinking “stop calling me out, Laura!”

Well, you’re right. I am calling you out. Because it’s time you took just five minutes for yourself to fill up your own cup and start easing that perpetual stress you’re feeling! Your needs are a fundamental part of you, and it is not selfish to take care of yourself.

Let’s Check In! (not for the airport tho - soz and all that)

Before you can fill up your own cup, you need to figure out exactly how you feel and what you need. Learning to check in with yourself, naming the things that arise and then taking action on those things is what is going to help you ease that stress you’re feeling. 

You’re going to drop all the excuses, all the “shoulda, woulda, coulda” and just focus on yourself for a few minutes.

First, you’re going to start breathing through your nose, and let your attention focus on your breath. Stay here with me as you let your breathing settle, and get a little deeper, breathing lower into your body.

When you feel settled, gently place a hand on your chest, and ask yourself, “how do I feel right now?”, and listen out for that quiet, still voice when it answers you. You can close your eyes for a moment if you wish, but then come back here after. Don’t let your ‘Thinky’ brain get in the way, just let the stillness answer you. 

Once you’ve got your answer, ask yourself “what do I need right now?”. Your ‘Thinky’ brain is going to try and override the quiet stillness with all sorts of thoughts, but just let it go and pay attention to the stillness. 

By now, your breathing is slow and steady, nice and deep into your body, and you have your answers. And whatever is coming up for you here might be totally different to what you expected. Your body is infinitely wise and knows what you need better than your brain does, so it’s a clever move to pay attention to it.

And if you can, take care of that emotion and that need as soon as you can. After you’ve finished reading this blog, if at all possible! Because you are at a point where you need something, and if you don’t get it - you’re going to be susceptible to all kinds of stress!

And especially, you must try to do it before you take care of everyone else around you - because you cannot pour out of an empty cup.

You know what I’m saying here.

If you ignore your own needs, you’re more likely to get stressed, snap at someone or just feel so overwhelmed you can’t take care of anyone else’s needs to the best of your ability.

Taking care of your needs might be as simple as making sure you get enough sleep, enough water, enough nutritious food, enough of whatever it is you need to be able to function as a human being. Even if it’s just using this tool to check in with yourself every day (multiple times a day if you need).

And I say “simple” not “easy” because the action itself is simple, but if it’s not a part of your everyday life, it may not be easy.

But taking care of yourself is absolutely fundamental to building resilience towards stress.

And when we build resilience towards stress, we can better take care of those things that cause us problems. Yep - that’s right. Attending to your needs will help you be less stressed.

And then in turn, being able to cope better with stress means that when things inevitably get more stressful, it doesn’t have that same gut punch as it might have done when you were REALLY stressed.

(How many more times can I use the word stress, stressful or stressed in this blog? Challenge accepted!**)

A Very Clever Analogy

Imagine your stress as water in a pot on the stove. Each time you are stressed, more heat is added to the pot. When you are not stressed, you average a nice even 50% temperature.

But let’s say you are stressed all day at work, then you come home and the house is a mess, you need to make, serve and eat dinner, the dog needs walking, the kids have evening activities and it all lands on you to sort out.

Heat: 70%

Then comes the negative thoughts - “Why is it always me?” “Why can’t someone else help me out”, “I’m terrible at keeping my house clean”, “What has everyone else been doing all day?”

Heat: 90%

Then someone asks you for something, and you just snap at them.

Heat: 100% and overboiling

Your earlier stress had already started the pot simmering, and then the added stress of that question brought the temperature up and over boiling point. So of course, it spilled over into a highly emotional reaction in an effort to reduce the stress hormones and get some physical, mental and emotional relief to your tightly wound body and mind*.

Phew. What a lot of stress! 

But taking care of your own needs, simply by checking in with yourself, even if that’s only a 5 minute break to close your eyes and breathe, you start to become less stressed. Because when you start using this regularly, you will find that

When you get too stressed, you will be able to notice it and take action..

When you get overwhelmed, this gives you the space to feel and attend to your own needs.

When you take notice of your own needs, you can honour those feelings and move forward. 

Because you are worth your own time, you are worth taking care of, the same as everyone else. It is not selfish to take care of yourself - it’s essential.

And as always, remember to breathe. It helps.

*The very clever boiling pot analogy was taught to me by mindset coach extraordinaire Dave Cottrell, and you can find him on most social media platforms: @mindsetbydave.

**21 times. That’s how many times the words stress, stressful or stressed are in this blog. Just in case you weren’t counting.